No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
