Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
