I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
