Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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