it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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