I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
