3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
