wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
