Apparently you make a good broom.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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