Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
