Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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