Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
