Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
