we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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