and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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