bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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