Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
