Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just had sex bonerless
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
