every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
