Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
