I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
