If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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