Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
