Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
