how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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