Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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