She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
