never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
