would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
