@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
