On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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