Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
