I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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