vagina is talking i cant
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
