the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
