i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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