Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
soo... how was my night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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