3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
