I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
