I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
