those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
