just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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