Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
