Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
