If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
