I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
