i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
