You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
