I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
