I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
