Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
