Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
