I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
